Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Jade: Bitemypasta#3

I should be packing, really..I start a 13 hour oncall in about 4 hours...and my flight leaves 3 hours after my shift. My suitcases are somewhere, I'm sure...I just don't know where they are. And in about 10 days, when I'm due to come back here, I will be the exact same picture of procrastination and disorganisation(? is it even a word); but for entirely different reasons. You see, in my head, if I don't acknowledge something, there is a good chance it might not have to happen; so I refuse to think unhappy thoughts...thoughts like me getting on a plane and leaving home, yet again..I dissociate myself from anything remotely related to the notion of leaving...I lock my suitcases away, hide my passport..and I don't pack because in my head, if I don't pack, I don't have to go. Just like how in my head, if I don't send that email ranking my F2 jobs, I won't have to leave Basingstoke. I think we can safely say my head's a pretty twisted place to be...except maybe for 5-year olds who hide their dad's briefcase so he can't go for another long business trip; they get me. Which isn't such a bad thing if you think about it...It all stems from some semblance of hope, however misguided....

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